Affirmations, visualization, changing your beliefs… these are all wonderful tools to help you manifest abundance in your life. However, how many of you do all of these things and more… and nothing changes?
One element that many people miss or perhaps don’t focus on enough, is how to identify and remove specific blocks (payoffs) that keep you – unconsciously – from manifesting and achieving what you “say” you want.
You may ask: “What do you mean by payoffs? And what do you mean I don’t really want what I say I want? Of course I want more money. I most certainly do want a nicer home (or whatever your desire is). How can you say I don’t really want these things?”
Quite simply payoffs are things that we do, consciously or unconsciously, to sabotage our goals even though we pretend otherwise. For example you may want a better job, but your payoff deep down inside may be the avoidance of more responsibility that a new, better job may entail. So you’ll pass up opportunities that come your way with a variety of excuses and wonder why you can’t get ahead. Your payoff is avoidance.
You state that you really want more clients for your business, which would bring in more money. You visualize it. You affirm it over and over. Yet you can’t get any new clients and your business is stagnant. Why? Well, new clients mean more work… maybe you’re avoiding having to put in more work. More clients mean more money, which means having to do more bookkeeping, something you detest. More clients mean the potential of having a few that are real “problem-children.” They could cause you all sorts of headaches.
Whatever the scenario, you say you “want” more clients, more business, more money, a nicer house… your unconscious belief is that it’s better to keep the status quo and complain about it, rather then tread onto the path of uncertainties..
There are several different potential payoffs that we all harbor to some degree. Most of us have one or two that tend to be the most predominant in our lives… they are the ones you consistently use to justify why you didn’t get what you wanted. Which ones resonate with you?
– This is an easy one that most of us can identify with. We want to blame others for our problems. It can be a very strong payoff. Have you ever listened to a friend whose life seems to suck? Nothing goes right for them, and they are always blaming other people or the current situation for their problems. You wonder why won’t they just “do this” or “do that” (whatever this or that may be) and things would improve for them. It’s because their payoff is “blame”. It’s a comfort zone for them because they’re not willing to responsibility for their own actions. Until they stop blaming and look closely at their own actions and beliefs, they will stay stuck in their rut and take comfort in blaming others for their misery.
– Avoidance comes down to fear. You may say you want to be successful in business, but you avoid doing the things you need to do in order to move forward. How many times have you turned away from a wonderful opportunity, convincing yourself that it wouldn’t work out anyway? That’s fear based. You may be afraid of the changes that it would create in your life… even if those changes are good!
– I find this often falls into the “judgment” area. People who are righteous use this payoff to justify their opinions and actions to themselves. They become very judgmental about others. What would happen if you weren’t “right” all the time? My goodness… that would mean you’d be wrong occasionally. How does the thought of being wrong make you feel? By judging others, by putting them down and making yourself feel superior, you are creating a false sense of self-worth in yourself. What would happen to your life if you stopped judging the actions of others and looked at your own actions? Would the world fall apart if you weren’t “right” this time (maybe you’d learn something new…hmmm?) What would happen if you stopped being critical of everyone and everything? This is a huge payoff to release in order to move forward.
– I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “I’ll believe it when I see it.” The universe replies with, “You’ll see it when you believe it.” A payoff that holds some people back is that they want a guarantee that everything will work out the way they want it to work out. They won’t even consider trying something new because they might fail. You could say that nothing can be guaranteed in this world, but by doing nothing, you ARE guaranteeing that nothing will change.
– This is one big payoff for a lot of folks. Are you willing to give up controlling other people in order to achieve what you want in life? Do you believe you must manipulate and control in order to get what you want? Don’t you get tired of orchestrating everyone and everything around you? As one famous doctor from Texas often asks on his TV show: “How’s that working for you?” What would happen if you just let go?
– We had a bad childhood, so our payoff is to prove how horrible our parents are. We have a lousy job that we hate, so we want to prove how unfair and tyrannical our boss is. When you go out of your way to “prove” something it boils down to being hostile and angry about your life. You lack the courage to do something about it, so you stay on the merry-go-round payoff of proving how unfair the world is to you.
– This is the biggest payoff of all and the most addictive. No problem can exist without some sort of self-pity at its root. All the payoffs above will fall into the self-pity category as well. Think about it. If you’re manipulating someone, it’s because “poor me” can’t guarantee they’ll do what I want unless I control them. “Poor me” won’t have anything work out right, so I’m not going to do anything unless it’s a 100% guarantee that it will go as planned. “Poor me” wasn’t at fault. They were the ones that messed up and I ended up taking the heat for it.
Still having trouble identifying your payoffs? Ah, an avoider!
Ask your friends and family to describe your overall behavior and impress upon them that you want them to be completely honest with you. In return, you need to promise… and KEEP the promise… that you will really listen to their responses without becoming angry or defensive. This is very important; otherwise you won’t get an honest opinion. They’ll hold back either to avoid hurting your feelings or to avoid getting blasted by your anger.
Ask them to describe: How do you behave when something doesn’t go your way? Do you criticize and judge people a lot? Are you always shifting blame to others? Do you always need to be “right” even if you’re way off base? Do you appear to be out to “prove” something? Do you complain a lot about stupid little things? Ask whatever questions you need to ask to learn how other people see you. Your payoffs will be found in your daily behavior.
Your friends and family are the ones that encounter your personality every day. They may not say it out loud, but secretly they are having one heck of a conversation about you in their mind. After all… don’t you do the same thing yourself when thinking about other people’s behavior?
If you aren’t getting what you want out of life, if money, success, happiness aren’t coming your way, you need to sit down and take a real close look at your beliefs and their related payoffs. Until you get clear on what these are and begin to take the necessary steps to eliminate them, you’ll keep sabotaging yourself. All payoffs are based on fear of something. People who are “winners,” who are successful, will recognize their payoffs, acknowledge their fear, and then take whatever action they need to in order to move forward in spite of that fear.
So what’s your payoff?